Bother Bakura
by DracOnyx
Summary: rated for language. Songfic to Stone Sour's Bother. After Ryou's untimely death, Bakura muses over himself and their relationship.


Disclaimer - I do not own YuGiOh, nor the song Bother, by Stone Sour.

Author's Notes - In light of my divorce, and my need to vent in some way, Bakura and I sort of came up with this. I don't usually do song fics, but this one really reflects my mood at the moment.

Bother - Bakura

Wish I was too dead to cry  
A self affliction face  
Stones to throw at my creator  
Masochist to which I cater

Ryou. I can't believe he's gone. It's like some part of me has gone missing. I feel empty inside, even as these tears slide down my face. I feel . . . hollow.

Such infernal luck, just as I'd come to realize how much I needed him, he's gone. A stray car, one moment's inattention . . . and now I'm alone. With no reason to exist.

You don´t need to bother  
I don´t need to be  
I´ll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won´t let go ´till it bleeds

He was my entire reason for living . . . my entire life in this hellish time that I'm still trying to understand. What other reason could I have? My need for revenge is long gone, blown away with the regaining of the Pharaoh's memories and the startling truth of these cursed items. That idiot had nothing to do with the destruction of my family, my entire village. I can't hate him for something he didn't do. I tried, for a while, but I can't. That was Ryou's doing too.

At least the Pharaoh's been smart enough to leave me be. The other's . . . I'd like to send them all to the Shadow Realm. Constant phone calls, asking if I'm okay. Of course I'm not okay, you bumbling mortal morons. How could you possibly understand what it's like to lose the one who's life is your own?

Wish I was too dead to care  
If indeed I cared at all  
Never had a voice to protest  
So you fed me shit to digest

I never really did come to understand why I cared about Ryou after it was all over. I'd used him, abused him to the point of driving him insane . . . did I really care about him? Or was I just trying to make amends for what I did? Isn't that a form of caring?

Perhaps I was just trying to make those amends to save some part of my own damned soul. Now I'll never know. Ryou's dead, and I'm still here, still carrying the stains of my mistakes on my dark soul.

I wish I had a reason  
My flaws are open season  
For this I gave up trying  
One good time deserves my dying

I know my mistakes, at least. And I've made so many of them. I wish, sometimes, that I could take it all back, that I could make it up to him somehow. But that's impossible now . . . even when I die, I won't be able to do so. I'll never see him again.

Ryou's in heaven, where he belongs. With the other angels, happy and carefree. Me . . . my soul will cease to exist when I die, as it should have three thousand years ago, devoured by Amut. It's only fitting, I suppose. I had my chance to make things right, and I let it go by because I didn't know how to begin. That is my fault, and will be my downfall, in the end.

You don´t need to bother  
I don´t need to be  
I´ll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won´t let go ´till it bleeds

Phone ringing again . . . I'm ignoring it, as I have the past dozen or so times that it's shrill peel disturbed the dark silence of the house. Don't they understand that I don't want thier care, thier worry? I don't need it. Hell, I shouldn't even exist. I should have died three thousand years ago. And my reason for being here is gone now.

If it weren't for my survival instincts, this knife in my hand would find a home where it belongs . . . what's left of my heart. But I'm too stubborn, too bent on living to kill myself and end my own suffering. So here I sit, thinking and mourning what's been lost, knowing that it won't do any good, but unable to do anything else. I wonder if I can get someone else to kill me.

Wish I´d died instead of lived  
A zombie hides my face  
Shelf forgotten with it´s memories  
Diaries left with cryptic entries

I think what hurts the most is that I made the decision to live. When the Pharaoh regained his memories, I could have gone on to the afterlife – accepted my punishment and met my fate. But Ryou wanted me beside him . . . so I stayed. And maybe that's what caused his death. He was talking to me when he died . . . I was the distraction that kept his attention from the road.

Finding his diary earlier today didn't help much. He never told me he loved me. I wish I had known before this . . . maybe things coulc have been different. Maybe I could have changed. Instead, reading over what he felt and thought about all the things I did to him, seeing the uncanny ability he had to read my motives better than I myself knew them . . . I wish I could tell him how sorry I am.

If you can hear me in heaven, Ryou . . . I'm sorry. For everything.

And you don´t need to bother  
I don´t need to be  
I´ll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on  
I won´t let go ´till it bleeds

You don´t need to bother  
I don´t need to be, yeah  
I´ll keep slipping farther  
But once I hold on, once I hold on  
I´ll never live down my disease


End file.
